A Countdown To Cloud
by Carbuncle
Summary: Lets all celebrate the birth of Cloud. God bless the spikey headed jerk.


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
Countdown to Cloud  
  
"Okay everyone, here he comes!" Tifa shouted excitedly.  
  
The entire party, sans Cloud, had gathered inside Seventh Heaven. The bar was decorated with brightly coloured balloons and banners.  
  
"Take your positions now!" Tifa shrieked, as she hid under a nearby table with Yuffie. "And no talking, Yuffie!"  
  
"Would I be so stupid?" smirked Yuffie.  
  
"Yes!" shouted the entire party in agreement.  
  
"Losers!" Yuffie grumbled.  
  
"Shh, he's right outside," said Red XIII.  
  
The doors to the bar swung open and Cloud walked into the darkness. He looked around with a puzzled expression on his face.  
  
"What the?"  
  
The whole party jumped out from their hiding places and the lights came on. "Surprise!"  
  
"Huh?!" Cloud squarked in confusion.  
  
"Happy Birthday, Cloud Strife!" everyone yelled.  
  
Cloud stared at them for a short moment. "Uh... my birthday was two days ago."  
  
"Yeah, but certain annoying complications arose meanin' we had to hold back the party..." sighed Yuffie.  
  
"Yeah, well I'm sorry I had to break my leg and end up in hospital for six months," Cloud said sarcastically. "So, where are my presents?!"  
  
"They're in the basement. C'mon," Aeris smiled, who was standing next to the pinball machine.  
  
The party prepared to use the machine to enter the basement. Barrett smacked hard on the secret button, then the lift (elevator for our American friends) began to move.  
  
"S-Stop the ride!" Aeris panicked all of a sudden. "I have to get off! My dress is caught in the gears!"  
  
Barrett tried to hit the emergency switch, but it was too late. Aeris was pulled into the mechanism which caused her body to scream and her bones to crush into dust. She eventually disappeared completely. The party gasped in horror.  
  
"Oh my God, they killed Aeris!" screamed Tifa.  
  
"You beasts!" yelled Cloud. "Hey, we're almost to the basement."  
  
The party soon arrived in the basement, which was full of assorted gifts especially for Cloud. He ran over to the pile and giggled like a kid in a candy store.  
  
"Wow! Are these all for me?!" he squealed.  
  
"Well, they ain't for us," said Barrett.  
  
"Here you go, Cloud," Tifa smirked, "this one's from me."  
  
Cloud opened the present. It was a pair of underpants. "Underpants! Thanks Tifa, I needed a new pair!"  
  
"Wait till ya see what I got ya, Cloud," Barrett gurgled.  
  
"He bought you a box of condoms," Yuffie added.  
  
"Aw, now ya spoiled the surprise! How'd you know what I got 'im anyway?!"  
  
"I was with you when you got 'em, remember?"  
  
"Oh yeah," Barrett frowned. "Well, ya might aswell leave my present till last then."  
  
"Uh Barrett, why would you buy me a large box of condoms anyway?" Cloud slurred.  
  
"Don't ask!" Yuffie laughed. "Cloud, Cloud, d'ya want my present?! D'ya want mine?!"  
  
"Alright," Cloud said, "give it to me straight, Yuffie."  
  
"Okay!" Yuffie jumped up and kissed Cloud on the lips. "Happy Birthday, Cloud!"  
  
"What the hell was that?!" exclaimed Cloud.  
  
"I uh, couldn't afford a decent present on my salary, so I thought I'd give you somethin' cheap and easy instead."  
  
"A kiss?" Cloud thought disappointedly. "Alright, who's next?"  
  
"Here Cloud," Cait Sith grimaced. "You're goin' to looove my gift!"  
  
Cloud took the package from Cait Sith. He ripped off the paper and pulled out a megaphone. "Why the heck would I want a megaphone for?"  
  
"Oh, you don't want it?" Cait Sith inquired. "Uh, well if you don't I can think of someone who would..."  
  
Cloud sighed and handed the megaphone to Cait Sith.  
  
"Thanks Cloud! It's just what I always wanted!" Cait Sith leapt around in excitement. "Okay everyone, if you'd all like to retire to the bar we can start the party!"  
  
"Wait a minute! I haven't opened all of my presents yet!" Cloud complained.  
  
"We're bored of this," groaned Cid. "I want a cup of tea!"  
  
"We're all kind of hungry, Cloud," Tifa told him. "How about we have some food then come back down here later? There aren't many birthday presents left anyway."  
  
"Aw, alright," mumbled Cloud. "This is the worst birthday ever."  
  
"Oh, and if anyone wants to suck on my melons, then you're all welcome," Tifa giggled. "I grew them in Aeris's garden. They've really come up good this year."  
  
"Great, 'cause we love your melons, Tifa!" Cid drooled. "They're so big and juicy, and round!"  
  
"Who cares about your melons, Tifa?!" growled Cloud. "I want my presents! I want my presents!"  
  
"Aw, grow up, Cloud!" Barrett yelled.  
  
THE END__________ 


End file.
